I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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