I just made out with a guy for $7.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hippo gnu deer
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
