You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
