you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
