We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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