I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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