I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
