She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
