In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
