I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
