Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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