its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
