I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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