i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
