I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just cropdusted the office
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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