Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize