You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
