I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
