Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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