this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
