so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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