quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
