i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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