Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
