Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
