I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
