Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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