a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
