you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
