It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
