I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
