I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
