Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
