am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
