Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
