You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize