I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
