Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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