so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
