I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am naked and annoyed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
