I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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