Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
