If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
