just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
