just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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