i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
