Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
