Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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