I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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