i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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