I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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