So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
