i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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