am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
