I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
PANTIES FOUND
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