genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
