you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize