She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
