I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize