I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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