Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize