ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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