And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
