I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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