I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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