Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
