my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
