i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
