Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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