I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
