I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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