So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
