i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
