hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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