I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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